I see that I cannot live at peace or with love as long as there is conflict. And I don’t know how to get rid of the beastly thing. So I don’t get rid of it, I don’t run away from it, I don’t accept it; I want to find out. And to find out, I am going to learn about myself. You may learn the whole thing with one glance. With one look you might know the whole content. Or you may play with it for a week or month and say, ‘This is not going to lead anywhere.’ So do I learn about myself through analysis, through writing, through watchfulness, through watching every movement of thought? That will take months, won’t it? There may be a totally different way, which I must be quite sure isn’t deceptive. Deception arises the moment I want something: nirvana, meditation, a transcendental experience, peace, beauty, love, goodness. Then I am lost.