Living is not possible without dying. The two walk together. They are together; you cannot divorce them. To understand death, I must understand living. Which means what? The life I lead is not living: the brutalities, the stupidities, the fears, the anxieties, the despair of living, the loneliness of it all. This is what I call living, but it is not; it is agony. Is it possible to be free of that? That means, is it possible to die to all that? If I can die, then I will know what living is and also what death is.